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Agency or Inspiration?

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I’ve missed you, pretty people.  But thanks to all you wonderful guest posters I am getting things done and catching up.  But today I want to write a quick post about something that has been on my mind today.

So for all of us Latter-day Saints this weekend was General Conference.  It’s a conference where all of the church leaders, including our prophet and the apostles, gather to give us their thoughts and counsel on spiritual matters. It’s a wonderful conference, most people watch it on TV or Internet.  It’s very inspirational and always gives us a lot of think about and decide where we can improve in our lives.

This is where the conference is held:  The Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.  It’s huge! Source  

Our prophet:  Thomas S. Monson (middle), 1st Counselor Henry B. Eyring (Left) and 2nd Counselor Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Right) Source

One noticeable theme of this conference was the topic of Marriage.  Several leaders spoke on how there are too many young people who put other priorities before marriage so they can focus on themselves or just have fun.   They counseled the single members to try and put more efforts into finding their eternal companion and the blessings that come from marriage.

In the LDS community, here is the standard protocol of dating:  You meet, you date, you don’t move in together or have sex, you just get to know each other.  Then after awhile, you start getting serious and  considering marriage.  But most LDS members pray about this decision, and this is where it gets very tricky.

Source

I had extreme anxiety about praying about whether or not to marry my husband.  The year earlier, I had dated someone who I really loved and hoped to marry.  But one day, pretty much out of the blue, he said, “It’s not right.”  And that was it.  I was heartbroken.  And after that, I felt like I had absolutely no control over who I married.  It seemed to me that you could be in a wonderful relationship where everything is going great, and then BAM!  “It’s not right.”  And it’s over.  What if that same thing happened when I prayed about marrying Aaron, who I loved so much?  I couldn’t deal with the heart break all over again.  

Looking back, I personally feel now like sometimes LDS folk use the excuse that they prayed and ‘it wasn’t right’ in order to get out of a relationship.  Sometimes it really isn’t right.  But sometimes their thoughts are clouded by anxiety and fear of commitment so they allow their own fears to masquerade as the answer from God.  
Spiritual Growth isn’t made up of a series of profound and miraculous moments, angels appearing and whatnot.  Most of us grow close to God by small and simple experiences, being touched by the Holy Spirit, faith-promoting opportunities, and overcoming trials through prayer, for example.  So when you pray to God about the person who you would like to marry, you will most likely not have an angel come down to you and say,  “Don’t marry Bobby.  He’s not right for you.”

Aaron and I were getting serious, and the marriage questions was upon us.  I knew that I had to pray about it, but I was scared.  So one day, I read this talk given by a church leader Bruce R. McConkie, called “Agency or Inspiration?”     It was life-changing for me.

Basically he said that we come up with an idea, using the brain and good sense that God gave us, and we decide what we want to do.  Then we take that plan to God, in prayer, and tell Him all about our plan.  After that, He will decide if it’s a good plan or not.  If it’s a good plan, He will help you to feel that it’s right.  If He doesn’t agree with your plan, you will not get that assurance.  And sometimes it can take some time or not come in the way you were expecting.  (He says it much better, believe me.)

My own experience is too special for me to share here, but my main point is this:  I learned that yes, I have a choice.  You don’t need to feel like God controls everything.  Sometimes He wants you to do things that you don’t want to do, which requires faith to give up your own will for His.  But make sure with all decisions that you are not hiding your own insecurities and anxieties behind the spiritual cop-out ‘It’s Not Right.”  I didn’t learn that overnight, I had to read that talk several times, say a bunch of prayers, and suffer through several more months of my horrible anxieties.

But I chose Aaron, God said “Good choice Heidi!” and here I am today, married to the most wonderful person for almost 5 years.  Best decision I ever made.

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7 Comments

  1. Chrissy @ Boerman Ramblings says:

    thanks Heidi for sharing this. appreciate you letting us in our how LDS works and what you believe! I love that you are choosing to follow God and let him guide your choice whether you like the answer or not. Blessing sister. Our god is good!

  2. Sometimes I think "It's not right" could also be something within ourselves, not from the Spirit necessarily, but your own personality knowing that it's not what you want.

    And like you said, even if you pray, you still have your choice- there are lots of possible right choices. Even if something is RIGHT for you, if you choose not to (or someone else chooses), there are usually other RIGHT options out there. Thanks for sharing.

  3. M Mommy to 4 says:

    That's awesome that you shared this. Elder Uchtdorf would be proud. 😉 My dad always loved to tell us his story. He basically said that he got the answer immediately that my mom was the one and then decided to follow that up with, "Lord, are you sure?" He said it was a "clue by four" that hit him between the eyes. He never second guessed the answers he got again! I loved your story and your insight on it "not being right." I totally agree!

  4. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I also had a special experience with prayer when choosing my spouse. Maybe one of these days I'll be ready to share too.
    A. Kerr
    kerrificonline.blogspot.com

  5. Lyndee @ A Recovering Craft Hoarder says:

    You better save this post for a future talk. Awesome! Wasn't conference great? I usually always think so, but am renewed each time.

  6. Amy at Ameroonie Designs says:

    My mom had an experience where a boy she was dating told her he had received an answer and they were meant to be married. My mom was devastated since she didn't want to marry him. My grandfather assured her that she still had her own agency to choose, and she chose to say no. 🙂
    xoxo,
    Amy

  7. Taylorm1984 says:

    Heidi I loved this post! It's so true! 🙂

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