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Weigh In Wednesday: Back to Baba

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This is gonna be a hard post to write.  So let’s just be happy and supportive and banish all condemning thoughts, mmkay?

Two months ago I wrote about how I was still breastfeeding and everything was hunky dory.  Well no less than about a week or so later, my milk supply started dropping.  You remember, I wrote about it.  You all had lots of suggestions of things I could try.  So I went and bought the following:  fenugreek, powerade, mother’s milk tea, IBC root beer, and I looked for Blessed Thistle but they couldn’t find it.  I also tried really hard to get enough sleep, enough food, and I was guzzling water like crazy.  I tried pumping but I just didn’t have time for it since for some reason my milk would take at least 10-20 minutes just to let down.  And some days I thought it was working.  But it wasn’t.  I was more stressed out than ever, trying to get my milk supply to go back up.

Every day was a battle, trying to help Miss E be satisfied.  She was getting enough, and gaining weight, but she wasn’t getting enough to be happy and content.  She was always fussy.  She wouldn’t take a bottle, which was the biggest issue.  And it would be a huge struggle to get her to go to bed at night unless by some miracle I could coax her into taking a bottle.  Every day I would tell my sister “That’s it–I can’t take it anymore, I’m quitting!”  and she would talk me down, into trying to go a little longer, rating each day and how it went.  But two weeks later, I just said Okay.  This just isn’t working.  It’s not worth the stress for both of us.  I’m going to stop.

And I wasn’t looking for permission to stop.  I just made the decision quietly and peacefully and instantly I felt SO. MUCH. BETTER.  Just making that decision was such a burden off my shoulders.

So I started weaning slowly…very slowly actually.  I found that I could give her a bottle if I gave it to her right when she woke up from a nap.  So I would give her one or two supplemental bottles a day and then one right before bed.  It was working okay and I was planning on doing that for a long time until my supply dried up completely.

But then she got another ear infection.  A bad one.  She spent most of the day and night screaming, poor girl.  And she flat out refused to nurse.  So after a day or two of her not nursing, I just decided to wean completely.  And it was tough–and painful.  I am really prone to getting clogged milk ducts and I am still fighting them.  And seriously for some reason this time around pumping is just so hard.  It seems to take forever and I get hardly anything out.  That was the case even before I weaned too…it was very strange.

So I’m no longer nursing my baby.  And I’m a little sad about it, since I worked so hard to do it.  But really, I am so much less stressed out now and she is a breeze to feed.  Thankfully when she went on strike she took bottles just fine.  So I feed her formula and breastmilk, and to be honest, its nice to be in familiar territory.  I know exactly how much she is eating, I can leave her with a baby sitter, and if she’s hungry I will always have food.

It’s a hard post for me to write because I feel like I’m letting down so many of you who have encouraged me and supported me.  And I’m even still a little disappointed too.  I don’t think it’s WRONG or BAD to formula feed (obviously since I have always done it,) it’s just not the ‘natural’ way.  But at the end of the day, I made the right decision for me and my baby.

And I’ve always supported moms who formula feed because no matter what their reason, they are just as good of mothers as any breastfeeding mom.  I seem to be the ‘both ways’ type of mom.  I’ve had a C section AND a vaginal birth.  I’ve breastfed AND bottle fed.  I’ve co-slept AND not.  I think I have a pretty broad view of motherhood.  So I guess it’s a blessing that I can sympathize with many.

What does this have to do with Weigh-in Wednesday?  Now that I’m no longer nursing, I am actually able to lose weight.  I’m doing Weight Watchers (only 26 points a day now) and running in the mornings and I’ve lost 4 pounds.  And I gotta say, it’s great to diet and not worry about my milk supply.

29 Comments

  1. I struggled with a low supply too….we made it to 9 months with my son, then he went on a nursing strike. I tried to pump in case he’d go back to nursing, but hardly anything would come out, and my husband was out of town at the time, so even though I got great advice from my sisters (who nursed their babies for at least a year or more), I decided to let it go. I felt so peaceful when I did, and within a week “the girls” were back to normal (haha) and I felt so much better. My husband was fine with my decision, and luckily I didn’t get any flack from people who really didn’t understand the situation anyway. I say it’s no one’s business. You have a happy baby now, she got a great start with the breastmilk, and both of you are less stressed, so I say that’s worth it. And I think trying things “both ways” is good…different things work for different babies, so it makes sense. So all that to say, neither nursing or bottlefeeding dictate how good a mom you are. 🙂

  2. Dont’ feel bad. My mother didn’t have milk at all for any of us. Don’t let people make you feel like your giving up.

    Ues its a wonderful thing to do but everyones bodies are different and you shouldn’t feel bad about a thing.

    X

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      I think people don’t actually ever make me feel bad, it’s just me that feels like maybe I’m a quitter or something. But this time I really did give it EVERYTHING and even while occasionally still second guessing, I just have to remind myself of the reasons I stopped and that it’s better for everyone.

  3. I am sl glad that you were able to find something that worked great for both you and Miss E. when our daughter was a baby, breast feeding was the one thing I had my heart set on doing. I got so discouraged and upset because it never worked. She was tongue tied and couldn’t latch on. I hated myself for giving up, but I knew she would get more food being bottle fed.
    With our one year old was born, I was determined to give breast feeding another shot. This time I prepared myself for it not to work and it didn’t. However, I was able to pump him milk for two months before heading to formula.
    I have learned that there won’t be any child of ours who will be breast feed like I want, but it’s okay. They are happy and healthy and to me that is one of the biggest success of being a mom

  4. I’ve exclusively formula fed from the very beginning. Everybody asks me I’m still breast feeding! (she’s 7 months old). I’ve had to get downright rude and tell people that my breasts are none of their business. And the scathing looks and whispers behind my back when I prepare a bottle of formula in public??? So over them. What’s un-natural about it?? I’m NOURISHING my child, just like the next mother. I’ve never regretted not breast feeding. I only regret that people have NO manners now a days.

    (this was in no way directed at you. Just sharing my experience. I think you’re wonderful 🙂 )

  5. Perfect timing!! I think I am headed back to WW today for a first weigh in – in awhile. I need to get back on it, I think I am eating out of stress and watching myself put weight on. UGH I am so better than this!! Thanks for the post, you are encouraging me to get back in to it.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Yes, I am so happy that I can control at least one thing in my life–the amount of food I eat, haha!

  6. I’ve done both — and as a mother of seven — I’m glad you resolved and did the thing that worked best for you and your baby! No need to stress or feel bad. You gave her a really good start by nursing her and now everyone is less stressed and feeding time and the time after (since she is satisfied) is more enjoyable. The only people that might make you feel guilty are those who never had a problem nursing. Those of us who occasionally struggled with it understand completely! A good mother is one who anticipates and takes care of the needs of her child — sounds like you are doing that beautifully!

  7. It really is such a hard decision…. why does it make us feel so guilty? I almost quit so many times with my first… breastfeeding is a tough thing to learn (and I had more than enough milk to go around). My Mom made me feel so guilty about quitting that I ended up sticking with it and it worked out for me. I shouldn’t have stuck with it though just because I thought my Mom would be disappointed in me.

    Good for you for doing what was best for you and baby! It sounds like you are both doing great 🙂

  8. I breastfed my youngest (#4) until he was 2 1/2 months. I had planned to go much longer, but he was just SUCH a lazy eater! I would start nursing him at the beginning of every hour and he would nurse for half an hour and then half an hour later he was screaming again! It just wasn’t worth the stress that it was causing for me. He wasn’t gaining weight for how often he was eating either, so I could tell he just wasn’t getting enough. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for your mental health as much as the baby! It’s tough to give it up, but sometimes it’s the right decision. You gave it your best shot and that’s all anyone can ask. And hopefully it will help you lose the weight that you want to lose! Good luck!

  9. 100% agree w Alicia! You did what works for you so don’t feel guilty. 🙂 congrats on the weight loss too!

  10. I love reading your blog, you are so real about everything. I have only had one baby, but I was so sure I was going to breast feed and save money and everything would be wonderful. But it wasn’t. I used a nipple sheild to help my little one to latch on and I never had enough milk to satisfy my baby. I pumped every day multiple times, I tried the supplements, and I just couldn’t produce a lot of milk, so I combination fed. I tried getting my little one to nurse without the sheild and that was a fight. By the time she was 4 months old she was screaming any time I tried to nurse her except and night and it was getting difficult so I pumped and fed her a bottle instead. When she got teeth at 4 1/2 months I quit all together. I was tired of fighting her and I went to formula. People can judge and say whatever they want, but being a good mom is doing what works for your baby and will get them the nourishment they need. I had many a night where I cried over not being able to produce the milk my daughter needed, and my husband just kept reassuring me that she will not grow up and hate me because I wasn’t able to breast feed. I’m not sure why I am telling you all this since you have more mommy experience than I do, but I guess I just wanted to say I’m glad you figured everything out for you and your baby. 🙂

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Tisha–your experience sounds so much like mine and I’m positive we are not alone! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  11. Good for you–don’t you dare feel badly about not breastfeeding anymore 🙂 Thumbs up to the moms who are able to breastfeed exclusively for a long time, but it’s just not realistic for a lot of families! I breastfed exclusively for about 3 months until, like you, my supply started decreasing drastically and I couldn’t keep little one happy with the amount of food he was getting, and trying to continue nursing was just causing too much stress and unhappiness for everyone. I worried about “quitting,” but in the end my husband (who was much wiser than me in this topic!) pointed out that any health benefits the baby would get by continuing to breastfeed certainly weren’t worth the price–an unhappy mom who felt trapped and confused and worried about nursing, a cranky baby who wasn’t getting enough to eat, and a stressful environment that revolved entirely around his meals. It sounds like you made the right choice for both you and the baby!

  12. My daughter is 6 weeks old & I stopped nursing 2 weeks ago…one of the hardest decisions I’ve made. It was so hard to keep her satisfied and shenever seemed to latch on right. I’ve been following your story & it’s really helped. Kind of like having a friend to listen to. Thanks for putting your story out; I know it’s really helped me! My daughter is doing great now on the bottle & I know I made the right choice for me (& her).

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      I’m glad my story helped you–it’s funny because all of everyone’s comments really help me so I didn’t think my story was helping others! 🙂

  13. I struggled with milk supply too – lasted a long and stressful two weeks with my son with supplementing at the breast before breaking down and giving him a bottle. (with lots of guilt and hard feelings about not being able to provide everything for my baby) I still pumped what I could for four months, but quit when it took me two days to pump 6oz. With my daughter, I went in a little more educated, tried everything under the sun, and still could only produce half of what she needed – she was on both breast and bottle for every feeding for 7 months, I did all that I could, and I am at peace with that. I hope you find the peace you need knowing that you did all you could and did what was best for you and your little one!

  14. Try not to feel guilty! There’s no need to–you did a great job, gave it your best, and you made the right decision for you and your little girl. I’m all for breast feeding but I have to agree w/ you–how is having a stessed mother and baby good for either of you (or even the rest of the family)? Nursing is really hard sometimes and I think it’s admirable that you tried so hard. Congrats on the weight loss and good luck with WW.

  15. The same exact thing happened to me when I was pumping for Wyatt. My milk supply went down, down, down, until there was none left. I am glad you chose to do what was right for you and your baby- you should enjoy this time together and don’t worry about what anyone says. You need to do what is best for you guys.

    Sending support and love,
    Kendall
    {songbirdsandbuttons.blogspot.com}

  16. Ashley C. says:

    If someone criticizes you, well, they’re just silly. 🙂 I struggled with a low supply for 5 months with my baby before I decided it was just going to be better to bottle feed her. Don’t feel guilty about this, you don’t need to! I know, it might feel like somehow you are a failure as a mother, but trust me, you’re not. What works for you won’t always work for others and what works for others won’t always work for you. And now that you are done nursing, you are losing weight and I am sure you are feeling so much better about you, which, in turn, probably helps you to be an even better mommy to all three of your cuties. (Not saying you were bad before or anything… ok I’ll just stop talking now) 🙂 Anyway, you’re amazing, don’t ever think otherwise!

  17. As a new mom, I felt terrible about having to switch from breastfeeding to formula, completely forgetting that I was raised on formula and am just fine (and not sick all of the time). In fact, it’s freedom!! I like this site for the cute quilts and patterns that you create, but as I read your posts on weighing in, I just cringe! Not because they’re awful or too personal! 🙂 It’s because I can relate so well! And it seems like you’re really hard on yourself and your body image! After having two babies, my body has changed. No matter what I do, I gain 50-60 pounds w/ each pregnancy; it’s just how my body responds. I’ve lost most of that weight each time, but it takes a lot of time!! Some people bounce back quickly, others take longer. I’ve discovered that it’s a matter of steady persistence in doing what’s right and, most of all, having patience with yourself – especially when you make mistakes. Good habits are hard, very hard, to create/maintain. You’re doing great things to help your body feel good and be healthy, I just hope you have the right perspective. Those drawings/words on your fridge of yourself (I saw “walk away fatty” and a large stick figure from a picture you posted earlier) would dishearten anyone! I’d want to rebel! 🙂 My most effective/consistent exercise and diet strategies are those that just take into consideration how I feel and not how I look. It’s so much easier to stick with and I don’t beat up on myself if I sleep in because I don’t want to run (or I eat ice cream too often). I hope you come to see yourself as God sees you, and feel real peace/acceptance.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks for your comment Carolyn. I definitely don’t think I’m too hard on myself, haha. And the pictures I post are mostly because I think they’re funny. I’m just trying to put a humorous spin on weight loss. But thanks for caring–seriously!

  18. Be proud of every drop of that breast milk you gave her. Don’t think of it as “I only gave this”, think of it as “I gave this!” You tried, and every drop was a success.

  19. It’s ok to make your own choices because you are making them based on what you think is best for your baby. I nursed 4 of my babies (including a set of twins) but #5 was a whole different story. For some reason it hurt like the dickens to nurse him and nothing we did could make him latch on better/suck better/eat without bawling (both of us) or be satisfied. Like you, the decision NOT to nurse him was the hardest part – once I’d made the decision it was plain sailing…and I walked around with cold cabbage leaves in my bra for weeks…I smelt lovely 🙂 He took to a bottle just fine and we were both much, much happier. It was also good for my other children to not see Mommy crying as she was feeding their new brother. #5 is now 22 months, a Momma’s boy, a rough and tumble boy and a happy and healthy boy 🙂

  20. Breast-feeding is HARD!! It seems like such a simple thing but for some reason it is just tough sometimes. When I first had my son I hadn’t a clue what I was doing and each feeding session took between 1 and 2 hours. Needless to say I was going insane. Then we found out he is allergic to milk so I can’t have much dairy which was like telling a cow not to eat grass (I’ve got a thing for milk) and he is “tongue-tied” so it is difficult to get a good latch.
    Anyways, I can totally understand switching to a bottle and there is no need to feel bad about it. It sounds like it was the best thing for you and your baby.

  21. I wonder what it is about formula feeding that sort of gets that “oh” look from people. Even my doctors do it to me. Then actually ask me why. It was just a choice that I made and I felt more comfortable formula feeding all my kids from the very beginning. But they are just as happy and capable as the rest and hopefully someday we will live in a society that doesn’t judge as harshly. You go mom!

  22. Found you from Sumo’s Sweet Stuff… just thought I’d chime in that only a mom can know what’s best for your baby. And while breast may be best, if you walk into a room of kindergartners, there’s no way you’ll ever be able to pick out the breastmilk babies from the formula babies. Just sayin….

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Karli! It’s so true…all my kids have had both breastmilk and formula and they are great, healthy and smart kids. We do what is best for all, right?

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