I was pretty sad last night. Sad, frustrated, and disgusted with myself. Why? Well here’s a little story about my day…
I woke up yesterday morning (to my two-year-old singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs–and no, it’s no one’s birthday) and for breakfast I made us some eggs…two eggs cracked and supplemented with Egg Beaters Egg Whites. Cut up an orange. Very healthy and protein-rich breakfast. Then I did a power yoga workout. For lunch I made myself a peanut butter sandwich with low-calorie bread. Later that afternoon I ate a low-calorie yogurt. For dinner I had meatballs made with ground turkey and a fruit salad (hmm…I needed to eat more veggies yesterday…) Then I went to our church youth activity and we did more yoga and had a fruit smoothie. Pretty healthy day, right? So why am I sad?
My husband bought donuts.
And they called to me. And then something inside of me whispered that I could have one and it wouldn’t hurt. But then after I had one, the STUPID part of my brain rationalized that I might as well have a few more because my diet was blown. Stupid, stupid, stupid! So I ate a few donuts, who cares?
It’s because I contemplate each food choice very carefully. Since I’m doing a lot of weight bearing exercises, I try to include protein with each meal. I count my calories and try to keep it under 1500 each day. In fact, today I really wanted chips and salsa, but when I saw that 7 chips was 150 calories, I thought ‘it isn’t worth it’. I have become super conscious of what goes in my mouth. And then I slip up when I could have so easily avoided it.
So I sat there, feeling sick to my stomach and very sad. But here was my saving grace: my sweet baby woke up and I fed him and carried him back to bed, savoring every moment. And I realized that all this grief to lose weight is worth it because I have my baby–my healthy, happy baby–here with me on earth.