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How I Got My Baby To Sleep

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Miss E will be 8 weeks this week.  And guess what?  She’s finally sleeping better.  Not all night, definitely no.  But she goes to bed at 7 pm every night and I only have to get up once to feed.  How am I doing this?  Here are my tips and tricks:

Getting Into Routine

E wakes up every morning now at about 7 am.  Today I got lucky and she slept in until 7:45.  I feed her first thing and she goes down about 45 mins later.  On a good day, she will sleep for 2 hours.  Then she gets up and I feed her and she’s up again for another hour.  She can’t stay awake very long.  The minute I notice her yawn or get a little fussy, I swaddle her and start getting her ready for a nap.  I make sure she is unswaddled when she is not sleeping.  Then when she’s swaddled I offer her the breast to see if maybe she would like a small drink to help calm her over excited nervous system.  Sometimes she takes it, sometimes not.  After I give her a little I will rock her for a few minutes until I see her eyes get droopy.  Then I put her to bed.  I make sure she is tired but awake so that she will not wake up and wonder where on earth she is.

Don’t Make the Wrong Sleep Associations

I read this analogy once:  Imagine that you go to bed in your bed, snug and sound.  Then you wake up in the middle of the night on the kitchen table.  Wouldn’t you be completely freaked out?  When your baby goes to sleep in your arms or nursing they will not learn to comfort themselves back to sleep when they wake up in a different situation.

Babies Get Overtired

Throughout the day we play the game of put her to bed, she sleeps for awhile, gets up and eats, stays up for about a half hour, then goes back down.  The best advice my sister ever gave me was the fact that babies really can only be awake for 1 1/2 hr-2 hrs at a time.  And some babies can’t even make it that long, like Miss E.  Babies get over tired and their nervous system causes them to be over stimulated so they can’t settle down easily.  If you miss the window of warning (the yawning, droopy eyes, fussing) it will be much harder to get that baby to sleep.  I frequently miss the window in the late afternoon when I’m trying to deal with two bored boys and making dinner.  You win some, you lose some.

The Night time Routine Works Wonders

Finally it’s bedtime so I give her a bath, which she LOVES.  She loves to sit in the warm water while I clean her cute body.  But she screams while I dress her.  I frequently put on that nighttime baby lotion that has the lavender smell.  Then she gets swaddled again, fed, rocked, and put to bed.  She sleeps until midnight when I wake her up to feed her before I go to bed.  She goes right back to sleep and sleeps until about 4:30.  I feed her and she goes right back down.  And then wakes at 7.

Confession:  She Sleeps in The Closet

We live in a 2 bedroom apartment right now and we’re packed.  Fortunately we’re moving in June, so for right now, the baby sleeps in our walk-in closet.  I had horrible anxiety about an earthquake causing all the boxes to fall on her so we took them all out.  I don’t shut the door and she has a fan in there for white noise.  There’s also a monitor so we can hear her.  And ever since we moved her in there we’ve all been sleeping better.  I think she can’t smell me or whatever so she sleeps rather than waking up every hour to eat.  Hooray!

Confession:  She Cried It Out 

I had to resort to a couple of things to get this wonderful schedule.  After several weeks of every single night spending HOURS trying everything to get her to go to sleep at night, it was clear that the problem was that she was just overtired and couldn’t settle herself down.  No amount of cuddling/feeding/rocking had helped her, so we finally just let her cry it out.  She spent about a week in training, every time she’d go down she’d have to cry if she didn’t go to sleep.  I think the most she ever cried was 20 minutes before falling asleep, which really is not bad.  And if she ever cried longer, I got her back up.  Towards the end she only cried for a minute or two.  Now she rarely cries herself to sleep.  She is much easier to settle down and it only takes about 20 minutes to get her down.  It’s better that she cries for a few minutes and gets hours of great sleep than have me wrestle with her for hours (still with crying) and lose all that sleep.

Confession:  She Sleeps On Her Tummy

That’s right, she sleeps on her stomach.  Oh, the horror!  I know, it’s not ideal.  But she would NOT sleep on her back.  She’d wake up so quickly and frequently.  My oldest was a stomach sleeper also and I just had to finally put all my faith in God that He would protect him from SIDS.  When it comes down to no sleep vs. stomach sleep and the SIDS risk, you have to get sleep.  So she sleeps on her stomach.  And I’ve watched her sleep, she is very good at turning her head, has great head control.  She’s even rolled over a couple of times.  I check on her frequently and I feel pretty confident that all will be well.  I may get a lot of disapproval with this admission, but there it is.  I don’t feel like a bad mom.

Don’t Let Guilt Overcome You

As a mom, you do what you have to do.  You do what works for you and your family.  You make choices that are sometimes the lesser of two evils.  If you want a great reference for sleep and babies (and kids!) read “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.”  “The Happiest Baby on the Block” is also another one I love.  Lots of people swear by Babywise but I’ve never read it.  Every time I think about reading it I get deterred by reviews.

Accept Your Child For Themselves

After I got my first child to sleep through the night at 3 months and take great 3 hours naps every day, I thought I had baby sleep DOWN.  But then my #2 came along and totally threw all my pride out. the. door.  This boy would NOT sleep.  He woke up every hour for like 3 months.  He would only sleep on my stomach.  He never slept on his tummy.  He would NOT cry it out and cried for hours.  I couldn’t take it.  He finally slept through the night consistently by 13 months.  And he still frequently wakes up at night.  Lesson learned:  Some kids just have a difficult sleeping personality.  And so you do what you have to do to get them to sleep!  Even if that means lowering your expectations and being very, very patient.

So that’s what I’ve done.  And it’s working for us so far.  But each day is a little different and sometimes it’s not a good day.  Sometimes she wakes up too early.  Her REM cycle is 1 hr 10 minutes and sometimes she can push through it onto a longer nap and sometimes not.  I’m definitely not an expert, but I feel okay with the decisions I’ve made and I have three healthy, happy children.  Remember–do what works for you and what you feel best about!  And don’t let anyone else make you feel bad.  You know what is right for your baby.

21 Comments

  1. Dude, nobody has any ill will towards you. We only have concerns for your kids. It is not okay to close babies in closets. Step back and take a good look at your post with open eyes.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      I believe that my regular readers don’t dislike me even if they disagree with everything I said. I modified the post, it is not deleted. I needed to clarify some things within the text not just in the comments. I know not everyone will agree with me and I’m perfectly okay with it. However I do not appreciate harsh mean comments from trolls (who does?) and it’s my blog. I encourage people to think for themselves as I do. I am not ashamed of my post or what I wrote or did. And ps, you could re-read the blog and see that I leave the walk-in closet door open, there is nothing above her and she is as likely to be in danger in there as anywhere else in the house. Really. Would that we could all put our babies in gigantic plastic rooms with nothing but a bed and open windows, but there it is. We have to make do with what we’ve been given.

      1. Having your baby sleep in the closet is NOT a big deal! lol I know several mothers who have done the same thing.

        1. My 11 week old sleeps in a pack n’ play in our walkin closet because she wakes up over every tiny little noise if she sleeps next to our bed, and she can’t sleep sharing a room with my 28 month old. We leave the door wide open. What’s the big deal?

    2. Kristen you’re an idiot. Why don’t you keep your thoughts to yourself.

  2. Siiiggghh… I love babies, ecpsecially when they are sleeping. However, I DO NOT like being kept up at night. Actually, I could deal with waking up at night, but not having a schedule or routine really flipped me out when my babies were little. When my oldest was an infant it was obviously my first so I was lost. She would got to bed good, not go to bed good, be up all night, wake up four times a night, sometimes once, sometimes 6. Thats what I couldnt stand. Then I realized I couldnt do what other people told me to do I had to do what was best for me and my child so I put her on a loose schedule and let her cry it out eventually. After that she started waking up at the same time every night and THAT I could deal with. Anyways, my point to this LOOONG comment is that I commend you and CONGRATS on the precious bundle of joy (and sleeping)!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thank you Rasonda!! I think that all loving mothers try our best to both be loving and caring mothers while trying to stay sane at the same time.

  3. You have some great suggestions Heidi!

    When Boston would only sleep on his stomach I was not cool with it. I’d lay him on his back and he would immediately flip to his stomach. I got an Angelcare monitor and it totally eased my mind. Angelcare monitors detect the motion of them breathing, so if your baby stops breathing for 20 seconds a mild alarm sounds to wake you up. I’d recommend it to any mother who was concerned about SIDS. I think we got ours at babiesrus with one of their 20% off coupons and it came out to $70, but you can google them and find them anywhere including amazon. I still use it for Gray even though he is a back sleeper so far.

    <3

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Lechelle! I remember when you did that!

  4. I think that you are a great mom. I love reading about your trials in motherhood. I just had a baby in July and had gotten a schedule down as soon as I could. If only I could’ve read this first. Don’t worry about putting your baby in the closet. It’s just as safe as any other room and probably closer to you. When I was a baby I came a little early and my parents were in the process of moving states. For the first few weeks of my life I slept in the bottom drawer in their dresser, open of course. I’m pretty sure I turned out fine. Love reading about your adventures.

  5. All three of my kids were tummy sleepers. And we, too used the Angelcare Motion Sensor (which I recommend for both back and tummy sleepers).

    And every family is different on CIO. I can’t stomach the crying. Does it make ME a bad mom? Nah. Just a wuss. 😉 But all my kids are excellent sleepers. My best friend is a CIO family, and all of theirs are also good sleepers. Totally just a family choice!

    It sounds like you’re a loving mom! Sometimes I wish I had a nice quiet closet to retreat to. 😉

    My hub is a doctor, and he approves this message. 😉

    Aloha,
    Charlie

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Charlie–CIO isn’t for everyone.

      1. I never realize how many silly winks and smilies I put into messages until I see those little emoticons. Doh! lol

  6. Heidi,

    I cannot believe the out-pour of hatred towards your decisions… I seriously wanted to vomit. Trolls, trolls, trolls… be gone with you! You have no power here!

    All 3 of mine were tummy sleepers. Sleep-away pretty princess! 😉

    ~Abib

  7. I don’t know you personally, but I follow your blog and I think you’re wonderful. Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. Those who express “concern” for your kids need to just mind their own business.

  8. When I was in graduate school, our on campus apartments were small and the walk in closets were a pretty decent size. Many a graduate school born babe slept in her parents walk-in closet for the first few months. I feel like as long as the crib (or bassinet) fits in the space and there is adaquate airflow, and a good temperature, you baby can’t tell the difference (at least until they are big enough to pull themselves up and reach through the slats to pull on things. If she’s two months old now, she probably won’t make it til June in the closet (due to pulling self to standing and then pulling things over and into the crib)

    We also resorted to tummy sleeping with our son. I was so desperate for sleep one night when my son was about 9 weeks old, that I finally put him down on his tummy. And he slept for a few hours (instead of 45 minutes). My mom said that I would only sleep on my tummy as a baby and I know as an adult I have to be EXHAUSTED to sleep on my back. Until he had total rollover control, I used one of those baby wedge to things to prop him up to sleep on his side (which is considered a neutral position in regard to the SIDS debate).

    I’m glad it seems like you found a sleep solution that’s working for you.

  9. Thank you so much for sharing your positive attitude in this post! I had to learn this lesson about “do what is best and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty” the hard way when it came to feeding. I desperately wanted and tried to breastfeed and it just didn’t work for my daughter and me. We finally discovered the issue was with her palate shape, but that was after weeks of desperate trying and pain all because I made myself believe I had to do it instead of stepping back and realizing what would really be best for all of us. And my daughter is a tummy sleeper too! To keep her on her back until she was a little older with good head control we used the Fisher Price Rock n Play sleeper which is a reclined sleep position, and that seemed to work pretty well 🙂

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Definitely–it’s really hard to ditch the guilt. But who is looking over your shoulder every second? We try our best.

  10. Amy Anderson says:

    Love this post Heidi – very honest. There are tons of books out there on how to raise children, but as far as I know, babies don’t read them. 😀 You have to do what is right for YOUR child. And it makes me sad when others are so quick to criticize. Shouldn’t moms be supporting each other?

    PS – Many rooms in big cities (NYC, San Fran!) are the same size as walk in closets. It’s not like she’s chained in there all day. Also, she is closer to you than she would be if she were off in another room in a big house.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Amy! I don’t know about you, but all my babies could read by 6 weeks old. 😉

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