So this is a topic I’ve been curious about. I don’t really have many of my own opinions, mostly because I’ve been fortunate enough to have children naturally without issues. So I’m not trying to offend anyone, I’m just curious.
I know someone who can’t have kids but her husband is not comfortable with adoption because he worries that he won’t be able to love the child like he would if it were naturally his. When I first heard this, I was pretty shocked. “Of course you would love that baby like your own!” I thought. But I let my mind explore the idea from his point of view and tried to imagine being an adoptive parent. Would it be hard to love that baby as your own?
I still don’t think so. But it might be difficult to get used to. However, that being said, I have to admit this:
When Lukey was born, I didn’t have that same instant bond with him as I did with Will. It makes me sad to think that, but I think it was more that I just didn’t know him yet. As I spent day after day taking care of him, playing with him, and snuggling with him, I grew to love that boy more than humanly possible. It helps that he has the world’s cutest personality and was laughing out loud when he was 3 months old.
But I think that adoption could be like that. Maybe you don’t feel an instant bond to your baby, but I honestly can’t picture a scenario where a parent DOESN’T fall in love with her baby after spending time with him/her. And maybe you cherish your baby that much more intensely because it was a much more difficult road to get to him/her. Did you struggle to form a connection with your adopted child? If you adopted an older child, how did you connect with him/her?
On the flip side, it seems like TV has portrayed a lot of instances where the birth parent opting to adopt decides to keep the baby at the last second. Has this ever happened to you, as an adoptive parent? I can’t imagine a more nerve racking moment…waiting for that baby to come but then not really being able to be sure that you will, in fact, be taking that baby home. What would you do if your birth parent decided to keep the baby? How would you deal with it emotionally?
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, especially if you have personally adopted a baby or are close to someone who has.