Five weeks ago I welcomed my fifth baby to my family. That still blows my mind–five kids!! It feels like a circus at my house. I want to say I love every second of it, but let’s be real. I have five kids and one of them is a newborn. It has been hard.
I spent the majority of 2018 being pregnant. As the end of my pregnancy grew closer, my doctor was sure I would go early on my own, since I was dilated to 3 cm at 37 weeks. I told him NOPE, that doesn’t happen with me. And I guess we would see who was right.
It was me. I was right. Yay.
I scheduled an induction at 39.5 weeks, the day after school started. I spent a good part of that day in waiting agony, afraid they would never call me in and therefore I would be pregnant forever. The last trimester of this pregnancy was torturous for me. The baby felt huge and seemed to somehow be scraping my stomach from the inside. Taking a simple walk was extremely painful at times. My uterus must tilt outwards because my belly is just enormous and so very heavy. I’d never been more exhausted in my life than I was with this pregnancy. But finally, just after 3 pm, they called me in. Hallelujah! Off to the hospital we went.
I thought this birth would go just as smoothly as my #4 did. At first it was okay…I liked my nurse and getting the epidural didn’t suck. As I labored, it was that familiar feeling of relaxation because I finally can’t feel all of the pregnancy pains I’d been enduring for the last nine months. But after the shift changed and I got a new nurse, it seemed to all go downhill. The new nurse was quiet, serious, and very unhelpful. She kept shoving her fingers in you-kn0w-where to see how I was progressing and wasn’t satisfied with my progress, so she had me turn on my right side. And for some reason, the epidural decided to stop working on the right side and holy crap–the pain! I suddenly felt all the contractions, pulsing through me like a hot knife. I squeezed the feeling out of my husbands hand while he stroked my hair and I just cried in pain. I was not prepared for it. My nurse just stood there in silence, not seeming to care at all. I wish she had gotten the anesthesiologist to fix the problem, but she just stood there. And she never laughed at my jokes! Rude.
Finally it was time to push. Pushing was also incredibly painful, and I swear I had an out of body experience, as if I was standing on the outside, watching what was happening because I could feel everything. I could feel the doctor stretching me to let the baby’s head out and it just felt…unreal. I was screaming “how close are we?! Is he out yet?!” and yet the doctor calmly gave me his vague answer of “a little closer than before!” I pushed for half an hour and it felt like a marathon. Finally he came out! I didn’t cry when he was born like I did with my #4, probably because of all the crying I did when I felt all the pain. I was just so exhausted, I didn’t even really want to hold him at first. I was shaking and cold and just so very tired.
I tore a little and the doctor stitched me up. Then I held my new baby for the first time. I was surprised to see his hair…or lack thereof. All but one of my babies had a lot of blond hair. But he was nearly bald. But he was absolutely adorable still. And a big boy–over nine pounds! No wonder I was so miserable.
It’s been three weeks now and we are slowly adjusting to life with five. It’s been incredibly busy and stressful at times, but isn’t that always life with a newborn? Now I have a newborn and a toddler, plus three others and it really is a lot to handle. I knew this would be a hard year and right now I just have to get through it. I’m trying to enjoy the precious newborn stage…it’s definitely harder with all my other kids around and their busy schedules. I feel too old to be getting up several times at night. I’m doing okay because I keep reminding myself how hard it was with each one of my new babies and how this time is actually probably the easiest.
I can’t imagine my life without my baby boy. It feels like he’s been here all along. We named him Theodore and call him Theo or Teddy. I’m excited to see how he will grow and change over the next year. The newborn stage is always the hardest for me, but once I get past it, I absolutely love watching the babies learn new things and get chubbier and interact more. That’s when I really start to bond with them.
I am so incredibly happy to not be pregnant anymore! I’m just not myself at all when I’m pregnant, and with each pregnancy I just got more exhausted. I’m feeling better each day and starting to exercise again and get into a rhythm with life. The best part is not feeling trapped in my body. I’m pretty sure this was our last baby so I’m looking forward to getting back into the blogging game as best as I can with a baby and a toddler. Yay!