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Spread Love, Ditch Negativity

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The internet has been kind of hurtful lately.  In the space of the last week or two, I have been the victim of many different rude and negative comments.  I’ve been blogging for over four years, but it never really gets any easier for me to receive negative comments.  I take them way too personally, and as much as I try to shrug them off, they seem to creep into my mind during those hours when I’m tired and vulnerable.  These comments also attacked my personal character and integrity, and even my ability to be a good mother.  Since I’m already pretty critical with myself, it certainly didn’t help to have some of my insecurities reamed back in my face.

Curiano.com

What I don’t understand is why people are still doing this.  What can it benefit?  How does leaving rude comments help anyone?  Will the victim of such offense sincerely take the comments as constructive criticism and say, “What a good point!  I’m going to change.”  No!  And they shouldn’t.  Because through the internet, it is almost impossible to give loving and helpful criticism.  There’s no way to determine the voice inflection and feel any love that might be intended.  That being said, I’m pretty much 100% positive there was no love directed towards me in those negative comments.

There will always be trolls; they just exist.  There’s no explaining why they are the way they are.  And sometimes you can be a victim of their cruelty.  It really does boggle the mind to try and understand any kind of truly human nature beneath such hateful words.  But it hurts even more when you actually know the people and respected them.

Can we please stop the negativity?  Let’s remember the old adage:  If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.  But more importantly, let’s support each other.  Stop seeing everyone else as competition and try to find ways to help everyone.  My personal goal with this blog is to inspire others to find their inner creativity and try something new.  It does get hard to be heard in a world of trillions of comments and millions of blogs.  But if I can reach even 10 people today and one of them goes out and tries one of my projects or recipes, I will be so happy.

let your words heal, not wound
click for image source

I am not innocent of the comparison game.  So many times I see other bloggers or other women getting what I want or already have what I wish I had and I get begrudging and envious.  But I’m trying to stop because there is one thing I always tell myself:  Everyone has their thing.

everyone has their thing
click for image source

Everyone has a demon that hurts them.  Even if it appears that they have the world at their fingertips, you might not see the pain they really are feeling for a particular trial.  Some women who I love to hate because of their naturally skinny and toned bodies, perfect hair, and seemingly perfect lives…get to know them a little better and you can learn that they also have sad times, things they wish were different, and insecurities.  There is no way to live this life without them.

So why would we HELP others feel more insecure?  Are we on the side of the devil?  Because those bad thoughts and negative comments come straight from hell.  There’s no good that comes from them.

Positive Outlooking
positiveoutlooking.com

Please help me spread love.  I’m not perfect, of course.  I have fallen prey to gossip or whathaveyou.  But I’m really going to try to ditch the negativity in my mind and my life and start helping others…sharing their victories and applauding their efforts.  I want to highlight one person every day who has inspired me.  I want to drown out my own insecurities by so much love that it becomes second nature.  Instead of getting depressed from social media about the things I don’t have, I will rejoice that my friends are having a good day.

It’s not going to be easy all the time, but it will be worth it.  Because I’m SO tired of the competition and negativity that exists in my world, I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough.  And I need to show those internet bullies that they don’t affect me.  That I am rising above their pettiness and shaking them off.

#spreadlove

#ditchnegativity

34 Comments

  1. Wonderful post and I am the exact same way. This is (almost) my 3rd year blogging and negative comments still cut me deep. I take every one of them personally and they make me over think the person I am. I know there will always be those people that love to hurt the feelings of others, but I still don’t understand it. I have never been that type of person.

    I got into blogging because I needed and wanted an outlet to explore my passions. My passions may not be the same as others. Everyone is different and some people feel that everyone should be just like them and that is never the case.

    I love your blog and you! Please don’t let those individuals bring you down. You are doing an excellent job, XOXO!!!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      It’s sometimes as if people forget that the people writing the blogs aren’t real people with feelings. It may come with the territory, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. We got to stick together and help lift each other up! All the best–Heidi

  2. Heidi, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been treated unkindly. That’s always hard. Ever since general conference, one of my main goals that I’m focusing on is being kinder, and helping my family be kinder. We can each make a difference. Thank you for your efforts. And honestly, I have no clue what anybody could think of to say mean to you! I’ve been reading your blog for like 3 years now and it’s always uplifting, creative, inspiring and fun to see what you have to say. And I’m excited to learn more about your new home-in-the-works!

  3. Sorry to write AGAIN, but I thought I should also tell you — when I found your blog, we both had two little boys, and I felt such a connection to you in many ways, as cheesy as that may sound. Shortly after I started following your blog, I had a little girl, and named her Heidi Alice, partly because I love your name and you are such an inspiration to me! Also, you’re the one who gave me the confidence I needed to make a white slipcover for my ugly old red couch, and I’ve loved it ever since! I also painted my dining room chairs dark teal because of your idea, and I love those! See, you’re just amazing. You’ve affected at least one person’s life for good. I know there are many many others as well, not the least of which is your family, who you mean everything to. Keep up the good work, Heidi!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Ah Maggie, you are so sweet! Your comment made my day. I hope I can keep inspiring you to do all the amazing things you’re doing! We are two peas in a pod. 🙂 xoxo

  4. Hey, you… you know something? You are awesome.

    That’s all there is to say, my dear. Keep on being awesome. 🙂

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Well thanks! 🙂

  5. I think that if you blog you automatically open yourself up to a world of both positives and negatives. While the positives are lovely you have to accecpt that there will always be those who disagre withwhat you have to say. I have no idea what negative comments you have had to deal with of late but I will admit that while I do enjoy many of your posts there are times of late when I have felt that there are times when I have thought of unfollowing your blog because I have felt it has been too sponsored and too impersonal.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I have to do sponsored posts in order to make money from my blog, but I have always sought to maintain an authentic voice and to connect with my readers. Best, -Heidi

    2. Paula, just what you’ve written here sounds hurtful to me. Why did you feel the need to say you’ve thought about ceasing to follow Heidi’s blog, just DO IT if you don’t like it. Remember the saying above – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!! Personally I think Heidi would be better off without followers like you!

  6. I’ve always liked your blog 🙂
    A while ago I had the experience of working with a fellow blogger who is a little farther along than me. It was a horrible experience because it was such a one sided relationship. I left feeling like the rung on a ladder and that everyone around was simply being used to promote one person’s goals. I learned so much from that experience. The whole internet is SO HUGE. We do not need to push each other down to rise. We can help each other up. Find a way to lift up everyone you meet. It certainly all comes back around full circle. If we are nice, eventually people will see that and it will guide our future. If we are selfish and demeaning, it will come back to bite you. Anyway, I really liked what you said!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      I know–that’s what I like to think. Although I can’t wait around to find out if the meanies get their come uppance, I will do my best to be kind and let my good karma go out around me. xoxo

  7. We all have to learn to look at the positive and try to change the world one person at a time! I think with all this social media and everyone sharing everything it is so easy to compare and see what we don’t have instead of what we do have in our lives! all the many blessings that are there. We are clouded by competition and negativity!
    It is ironic how I was thinking similar thoughts and how I was getting dragged down by the not so happy people!
    So I choose to be happy and look at the world differently!
    Keep doing all the great things you are doing Heidi! you do make a difference!!
    (just to let you know, you inspired me earlier in the year by one of your blogs about quilting, so I made the saw tooth quilt)

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Great comment! And yay for your saw tooth quilt! I would love to see it. Send me a pic!

  8. I’m sorry that people have been so cruel to you. Being in the public eye, as you are, comes at a price. That being said, if someone can’t say something nice…they shouldn’t say anything at all. {{{hugs}}}

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Oh it’s not so bad but I guess I’m a sensitive soul 🙂 Thanks for your love!

  9. Melissa Quinn says:

    So sorry this happened to you. I’m not a blogger but I try to comment when i feel moved on a blog and I am hooked on instagram. Saw today that another blogger I follow posted a pic of someone who made not the smartest fashion choice. We all make bad fashion choices now and then or are in a rush to leave and forget to look in the mirror. I just don’t know why she felt the need to exploit those people for her entertainment. I unfollowed her after some thought. Wish I had the strength to say something, but I don’t want to fuel those ladies any more. I don’t even know the people in the pic and it still bugs me.
    Love your blog. Love the puff quilt (I’ve got the pattern just need the time). Love your positive attitude right now in a world that can be negative.

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Good for you! I was thinking about that also–how easy it is to even make unkind comments about celebrities or whatever. We’re not perfect, but we can at least keep those thoughts and comments to ourselves right?? xoxo

  10. Bullying has become so bad lately! And the crazy thing is that it’s not just in our elementary, middle and high schools, it’s everywhere! I’m so sorry you have had to deal with dumb, negative comments. It is just beyond me that people can be so rude! Good for you for standing up against all the negativity! We need more positive in this world!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Agreed! Thanks Ashley!

  11. Leslie Wallace says:

    Dear Heidi….you are a breath of fresh air, a wonderful mom, blogger and inspiration. One time when some catty women were being mean to me, someone wise reminded me….”If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.” No doubt there are some green monsters that are inhabiting their brains. Here’s a hug from me. Hang in….I LOVE your blog and am so glad you are doing it. Yay you! Leslie

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Leslie! Your comment is amazing and so uplifting. xoxo

  12. I am so sorry that some people are so jealous of when people are doing kindness to help others. A lady on television made a statement saying that she saw a saying on Pinterest. “Jealousy is counting someone else’s blessings”. That seems to say a mouthful about the naysayer. Keep sharing your knowledge and blessings as we all can use the positive vibes.
    Thank you for caring.

  13. Cathy Gabriel says:

    How sad that people have nothing better to do than be negative to others. Can’t even imagine what bad things they could find to say! Keep up your awesome work…I definitely enjoy reading about it! 🙂

  14. Heidi

    I totally agree with the sentiment ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’, but felt obliged to speak out to Paula who commented above, as I just cannot stand bullying of any sort, however subtle. I know that you’re putting yourself up for public comment by having a blog, but if someone disagrees or dislikes something you’ve posted, wouldn’t it be nice if they could just word it in a way that doesn’t need to be hurtful, just constructive. My advice is to totally ignore nasty comments. I genuinely believe that the people that write them have problems with their own self esteem, and try to make themselves feel better by denigrating others. Keep on doing what you’re doing, and keep a that beautiful smile on your face like the one in your photo.

    Hugs

    Judi in the UK

  15. I think you are absolutely awesome and love your page. I think you are a God send. You have helped me with so many things that I am working on. Thank you.

  16. Keep your chin up, and keep up the great work and inspiration!

    (What makes me laugh, is when someone doesn’t like the show, they can turn the channel.)

  17. Please keep on sharing the love. I will do it where I live, too. People really don’t know how much damage a few words can do to one’s heart. But, I know you have the grace to forgive these people and to continue enjoying your life. You don’t know how much you inspire your loyal readers. I have learned a lot from you already and haven’t been following your blog for very long. Kindest Thoughts, Carla

  18. “Don’t let the bastards get you down.” I’m sorry you received hurtful criticism or negative comments recently. The internet definitely makes people think they can say whatever they want all the time. I guess it’s like road rage. There’s some type of security or something behind your computer, like when you’re in your car, that makes people abandon all civility in human interaction. It sucks.

    I’ve been there, though not on the internet. The most hurtful experience I ever had was with someone who tore me to shreds about my job. I had been in a terrible situation and had handled it to the best of my ability (it was a very serious life/ death thing). Looking back 15 years later I know I did a really awesome job in a horrible situation, but at the time it was very scary and horrible and I was very insecure about it. This person preyed on me and tore me apart. It hurt really bad. I can still get angry about it now, but at the time it felt like she destroyed me and I cried A LOT for a long time about it. It basically haunted me for a couple years.

    Anyway, my point: this person was a “Fixer.” These types like to sit back and rip other people apart and then explain how things can be fixed. The assumption of course is that they can do it better. I believe it makes these sad, self-important, judgmental, and self-righteous people feel very important and good about themselves. When you feel good about yourself by knocking someone else down…well, I think we can all see how truly pathetic and sad that is.

  19. I recently stumbled on your darling blog and was so truly sad to read your post. I too have felt much more criticism in my own small world lately and can’t figure out “why”. I hope you are able to surround yourself with positive “true” people and take delight in your amazing accomplishments. Kindness does begin with me. Your post inspired me to give much more thought to my interactions to make them positive. Hugs!

    1. Heidi @ Honeybear Lane says:

      Thanks Lorinda–the world does need more positivity!

  20. Just found your blog while looking for inspiration (your pegboard is wonderful!!) and then I found this entry. It made me think as I’m also being pestered by a troll.

    I understand it’s not a nice thing to experience when people are rude and offensive but personally I couldn’t care less about what a perfect stranger says about me from the other side of the world. Yes, it’s never nice but I take it more as nuisance than as a problem. I tend to visualise them as some poor drunk yelling abuse in the street. In situations like that I just shake my head and keep on walking, as there’s nothing I can do to help but I never feel offended or insulted by their insane rants.

    Someone who’s so full of anger is someone with issues, but that has nothing to do with me and who I am. I do believe they always end up going somewhere else if the don’t find in me the reaction they hope to get.

    You say “through the internet, it is almost impossible to give loving and helpful criticism.” I beg to difer, even if you have to be a lot more clear due to the lack of voice tone etc. Again it’s my choice to read too much into something or just see if something in what is said is helpful in some way.

    Yes, it would be wonderful is everybody was loving and nice, but unfortunately that’s not the case. And since I can’t change trolls I can only choose not to be affected by their anger and hatred. I just see them as very sick people, of the kind who love to remain sick and don’t want to be helped. So if I can’t help them, all I can do is not letting myself get dragged down to their level. That’s what’s worked for me. I hope you’ll also find your way to stop being affected by them.

    And again, you do have some lovely projects!

  21. I honestly can’t believe that women are still doing this to each other. Things like this happened to me growing up. As I had my daughters, ten years apart, they both dealt with the same issues. Why is it that anyone male or female would believe that in order to feel better about ourselves we have to step on someone else? My son did not experience any of these issues through school. I really think at this point , until we value each other no matter what our differences are, and put a lot less value on how we look, instead of how we feel, we will continue to hurt others as if it doesn’t matter. We deal with bullies in grammar school, who thought we would still have to face these problems as adults! It’s sickening and disgusting. My 15 year old is more grown up……thank god….

  22. Ya we should spread love and vanish negativity. The best is valentines day.

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